Need
by cosmicpants
Summary: Kiku contemplates about the present and the future, all because of a fireworks display; thinks about his people, thinks about himself and Yao.


**Need**

_please help me find a solution _

There is only one wish I would like God to make true for me. I know that tomorrow my preferences would change, that my choices would be different and my heart would not always think of this as often as I do now. But one thing is unmistakable.

This night, I watched a fireworks display just outside my house. The sky was dark; everything was unclear, until the lights displayed and gave color to the monochrome view. I said to myself that a thing such as this should never be forgotten, never be changed, that it would remain in my deteriorating memory along with the sweet yet bitter remnants of the obvious past that still continues to haunt me.

As time passes by, I become older with my people and my slowly evolving culture, yet my face in the mirror remains the same for centuries. The same brown pool of eyes, that pale hue of skin color and the thin set of lips; I was determined to die looking like so. If I am going to die, will anyone weep for me and give me a good place to permanently rest in? In my backyard, that's where I would like to be buried.

Nights pass me by like floating plastic bags on the open air, each one with its own distinct path, each one with its own movement and flow. If the succeeding nights become as uniform like those plastic bags, in the back of my head, wouldn't be a night with fireworks be no different than nights without them?

Seconds have passed, and it feels like the rainbow-colored sky has painted a silhouette of your face. Those features I will never forget. And you will never make me forget. This same cold breeze, though it may vary differently from molecule to molecule, it still gives me shivers up my spine, pointing out how lonely my hands are for the past decades now that you're gone from my side.

So I look up to this glorious display, reaching my hands up to the sky, as if you'd come and take me away with you to the heavens where we could be together. Or maybe, I can have the same warmth that you have given to me back then.

You are only an ocean away, but I could not get into a boat and row towards your home. The lights make an angelic path for me to take, debris tainting the surface of the salty waters, making known its presence in my lingering mind. I have gone crazy.

Separated by this vast waters, my feet are once again immobile, and I sit down on the sand, throwing my hands in the back of my head, slowly lying down. It would take me 20 minutes by plane, it would take me 5 days by man power to reach you. I can do anything I want to do yet I cannot do this travel today.

I have always been a coward. Today has been the same like yesterday, "I open my eyes, but I could not remember what for."

Something tells me that I'd rather stay home and just look forward for the fireworks show once again, but it has been a bad habit of mine; because of this, I put off the intention of visiting you and seeing your face once again.

This lonely being says to itself; "When are you going to do something, like a firework painting the sky and making people look up in glee?" I do not know, for I am unsure. I've told you that I have gone mad, and you agreed.

It has been years ever since I have seen you. And God, this is my only wish for today. This is my hope for this very minute while the fireworks bomb my heart as well as my wide, mesmerized eyes, feeling the sand against my thin robes and slowly making small marks on my arms.

Please keep him safe.

Please let this waters guard his bays. Do not let his earth crumble below him. Help his people breed creatures that would someday help you and his fruitful land. Do not let me be tempted to destroy him once again, because I will only end up destroying myself and my people.

So God, I am nothing but an instrument in your favor or dismay, but what is important, that I help myself in order to help him.

Fireworks, they're coloring my sky and the eyes of my people; I hope you are here to see this beauty with me, together. Because to me, you are more beautiful, yet why can't you see how much you color my sight and my heart?

Bless Japan and China, from this day onwards.

God bless our hearts, for we do not know what to do.

* * *

Lol hi, it's me again. I did this fic in 10 minutes so if there's any error, please forgive me. There was a lovely fireworks display just outside my grandparent's house when I came to visit them last Saturday. And seriously, there would be another one later, seeing that today (Monday) is a holiday here in the Philippines!

I really love experimenting with Kiku's thoughts, as you can see. But I'm not really in to fics that don't have him speaking so watch out for some new fics with him, and Yao, speaking. q

REVIEWS WOULD BE LOVELY! 8'D  I kinda get butthurt when I see favorites (really, they mean a lot), but then reviews make me encouraged to do more fics in the future, plus enable me to see what the readers' think. So please, if it's only a tad bit of 'that was good' or 'that was adngaskjgfadsf weird' it will mean a lot. XD

I am, in fact, continuing to post here in for those, so that I can connect with the readers. 3 *huuuuuuggggs*

Also I know for a fact that my fics are ridiculously short. UMM WELL. I'll fix that some other time. You see I like longer fics. 8'D It just so happens that ideas keep popping out of my mind. Lol.

**EDIT:**

Ah, yes. As I have said to the persons who have reviewed this fic, the God here refers to Kiku's own God-image, for his own preference and beliefs. It's like he has his own God to follow, and not the 'gods' which the typical Japanese know. I know well that the religions in Japan have a lot of gods, but then I thought maybe he should have his own (considering that one God would mean only one prayer umm yknow).


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